2256

Darkness has encompassed me like a single pebble being swallowed by a black hole the past few days. I feel like my trajectory in life has been turned 180 degrees from where I want to be going. Unfortunately those I confide in are only able to muster cliched advice so I have been apt to ignore it. I literally have manifested this into tunnel vision, where blackness creeps in all around me and I can only see what is directly in front of me. I hardly remember getting to work. I feel pressure in my head like I am about to explode. There have been moments where I feel like just letting everything envelope me and riding the spiral down to where it leads. Today I see a faint hint of light. I know I'm not the only one going through this thanks to some things I've read. But just as I think that salvation may be there, I begin to wonder what might happen if these other people can find it but I can't. Part of me wants to be happy that they are able to right their ships, but another part of me feels more desolation as I think of being alone in the abyss. I know life is balance. What I don't know is how to balance it. Where do I stop the giving and start the taking. I once read that if you leave your cupboard empty by giving to others and keep nothing for yourself, you will eventually have nothing to give anybody. This is my dilemma. This is the point where I have to decide and my indecision is taking control. I'm frozen in my inaction, paralyzed by the consequences that can stem from action. To rebuild or reboot, that is the current question. I know inaction is not an option, but for now I wait to see how long I can put off the inevitable. Who's balance is more important, those I love or my own? Is there really any balance either way? I know ultimately I need to balance myself, but does my balance come from making sure others are balanced? These are the burdens I carry. For now, I choose to occupy myself with less significant tasks. For now, I take leave of the day and continue on into the night, where hopefully resolution or inspiration come when my conscious rests and my ethereal thoughts take hold.