480

I woke up this morning and made myself a bagel. The family was still asleep after being up late last night watching the light show the monsoon put on, so I decided to peruse the interwebs and catch up on some news. I started out reading an article on Yahoo about the new technology in cars, and how they are vastly different from cars just 10 years ago, when I ran across the line "inching us ever closer to the self-driving car that many of us clamor for." Who are these people clamoring for self driving cars? Driving is an experience. I don't care if you like street racing, autocross, rally racing, rock crawling, trail running...it's all an orchestra of man and machine coming together for a moment and conquering a landscape. It's stress relief. It's so many things, but it should not be an autonomous experience. If you want "autodrive" ride a bus or train. Cars are meant to have a personal relationship with their driver, not be a transportation butler. This may be your cup of tea, but the whole automation of everything to me is a bit scary. With the NSA issues that have happened since Edward Snowden blew the whistle, we should be more afraid than ever to connect everything we own online and yet more and more things are being connected. I for one will still take a manual transmission and a carburator, you can have your auto butler, and I'll enjoy my ride.

672

I can't believe it has been as long as it has been since I last posted anything. Life has been moving by fast. I was contacted unexpectedly last week about the possibility of some major life changes. I don't want to delve into what those are at the moment, but I'm very excited and should know more soon. I find it somewhat ironic that this "thing" is happening at this time. I look at my post title and realize my year long self-discovery mission is dwindling down. There is less than a month until the year mark, and then it's done. I am not sure what I will do after that. I don't want to say I'll abandon this blog, but I think I want to stick to my goal and leave it as a year mission. I'll probably pick up a new one, just so I can keep spreading my thoughts that are deeper than 140 characters out into the universe. So while it might be somewhat cheesy, I think my theme song for today is Bowie's "Changes." Lots of them are happening and the bulk of them are good. My year long storm isn't over yet, but the clouds are definitely breaking up and the sun is shining through. The bulk of negativity and despair that I've been harboring, not only for the past year, but for the past few years seems to be in the rear view mirror. I'm looking forward to what the future holds and leaving what the past had behind.

1056

For me personally, I've always lived a life that felt equal parts tradition and modern. I spent many a summer in small town America wasting away the days of my youth on baseball and county fairs. I also spent a majority of my life growing up in a melting pot of one of America's largest metropolitan areas. I've seen the benefits of living in a place where everybody knows everybody and time stands still. I've also experienced the wonders of 24/7 life lived in relative anonymity. One of the things I've come to realize as the good ol' US of A enters into year 238 is that the America I live in now is no longer the same America I remember growing up, and yet it still is. Just this past month I've grown to embrace "the beautiful game" of soccer, and quite honestly it has taken baseball's place for me. American football will always be my #1 sport of choice, followed by basketball, but I long ago lost my love of baseball. For one, I think the sport is too watered down and contrition should be considered. Secondly, it is no longer the sport I remember as a child. It's too commercial, to corporate. Not that other sports aren't, but to me it has changed the simplicity I loved about the game as a kid. I also think it has a lot to do with the way America has changed. The Hispanic population is far greater than it was when I was a child and the immigration of it's people have brought about it's culture, one aspect being futbol. I listen to a lot of sports talk and one local host tried to compare the 1980 US Men's National Hockey team to the current US Men's National Soccer team. His point was that while we are currently riding a wave of patriotism associated with the World Cup, the movement would die down once the world's biggest sporting event came to an end. I have to politely disagree. The cultural background of America has changed in the past 34 years for one. Secondly, kids watching soccer today are going to have far greater access to the sport than kids that watched hockey in 1980. I say this because the financial investment to begin with is far less. To play soccer, you merely need a ball. To play hockey there is a pretty substantial initial investment. You have to have a rather large list of equipment to play, and you are going to have to pay for rink time unless it's the middle of the winter in the far norther parts of the country. Soccer you merely go outside and play. It's a lot like baseball was when I was a kid. You only needed a glove and a ball, and the neighborhood could share a bat. I'm excited for the opportunity for soccer to take hold. While it is a relatively modern concept in the US, it is a very traditional game the rest of the world over. Even on a deeper level, I'm excited that the US can still absorb traditions from other parts of the world and meld it into her fabric, which is what we've done best for 238 years. It comforting for me to know that I can still have a balance between tradition and modern.

1248

First a little site update. If you are reading this through Blogger and not Google+, over to the right there I added an about me page. It's just a little quip about what makes me me. I'm sure that there is a butt ton of information missing, but I'm only an amateur writer so forgive me. This past weekend I (finally) deactivated my Facebook account. I got tired of Pinterest reposts, news stories that were days old, and everybody blaming/attributing everything to my lawn guy, Jesus. But seriously, I found myself wasting so much time looking into other peoples lives that I was neglecting my own to an extent. If nothing else, by not going all voyeuristic on everyone else's life, I have a lot more battery left on my phone when I get home than I used to. I really liked Facebook at first. I liked MySpace too. I love social networking. I think it's great to stay connected but at the same time I think we spend far too much time looking at other people's lives and ignoring our own. Blame reality tv, everybody wants to be a star. I suppose that is what things like Facebook and MySpace were for, you post stuff so people look at you, and it was a great way to reconnect with lost friends, or stay close with family across the globe, but it turned into a popularity contest and got stale. And while I can't totally take myself away from social networking, and I'll admit I was twitchy for a while after deactivating my account, I'm still around. Life is still going on. I can still text, email, call even...if I need to be in contact with somebody. I've also found I've been posting to Twitter a bit more. Maybe I just needed a vice to fill in the lost Facebook time. Whatever the reason, I do it. So with all that being said, if anybody feels like they need to stay connected with me, circle me on Google+, follow me on Twitter @mdittemore or Instagram @medittemore. Maybe those outlets are just easier to broadcast on without seeing mundane bullshit. I don't know. Quite honestly I've lost my train of though since I was just sent a text to make dinner. So I will leave you with this: I'm making chicken parm tonight, deuces.

1512

"Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later [makes squish gesture]get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"[makes squish gesture]just like grape. Understand?" Mr Miyagi, Karate Kid This scene from Karate Kid has been playing in my mind over and over the past few days. I'm pretty sure it has to do with our actions in Iraq over the past decade plus. Now, I'm not claiming to have the answers, but I think we "karate guess so'd" over there and we are about to get squished. Our actions, however you want to view them, were not complete or whole. We intervened in a situation without doing so completely. We patchworked together a country with loose stitching, that was clearly not taking the whole population's greater good into consideration, and expected it to hold. We built Frankenstein's monster, gave it life, and now have to play the God role to determine if that creation is worthy to remain. We wasted thousands of lives, and millions of dreams, to essentially return to a point far more dire than the one we began with. Now we are once again faced with the proverbial "shit or get off the pot" scenario. From the limited information that I have been afforded on the situation, inaction will lead to far greater action by those that view us as their enemy, but swift and decisive action will enrage them even more, not to mention start a shit storm among our more liberal members of society. These are the days where I am glad our collective action as a country is not my decision to make. The evangelical democracy we shove down the throat of the rest of the world is coming back to haunt us. We take it upon ourselves to make decisions for other instead of simply lending a hand when asked. We have lead with our ego and not our intellect and now have to deal with the repercussions of doing so. Hopefully smarter men than I can make better decisions so that we no longer have to take steps backwards.

1800

As much as I don't want to, I think it's time I look at going back on zoloft, at least for a little while. I really don't like being on zoloft. A complete lack of feeling is an odd feeling. That being said, I think at this point I might need to do so though to prevent a downward spiral. There have been a lot of things that have happened to me in the past month or so, and surprisingly I don't attribute any of that to my current mind state. I know that there is a chemical imbalance in my head that prevents me from being the best person I can be. I've gone through this before, and given family history, I'm sure I'll go through it again. The hardest part for me was admitting I needed help. Once you get past that point, things really are easier. I get to be a nasty son of a bitch when I'm on a down cycle, and that isn't fair to anybody. Not me, or the people around me. If taking a pill once a day can prevent me from being a bigger ass than my normal, charming self, then the least I can do is take one. I've seen what my sickness can do to others, and it isn't fair to them, just as it isn't fair that I have it to begin with. I haven't committed to the process yet, as it really is a horrible feeling. I'm still trying to do some homeopathic stuff, and some meditation to see if that will help, but I'm just about convinced that pharmaceuticals are the route I need to take, not because of a buzz or anything, but because they work. I know the side effects are sometimes just as bad as they symptoms, but that is something I know I have to deal with. Plus, the first day is really cool, like being on some really killer weed for a full 24. The second day, well that sucks. That's like tweeking and I hate that feeling. The insomnia sucks too, but by the end of the first week, week and half, everything seems to be ok. Sometimes just typing out the process helps. So while I contemplate what's best for me, let me say thanks for being a soundboard, whether you respond or not, just getting things out really helps, and that was one of the whole reasons for this blog.

1944

As I begin my 38th lap around the sun, I want to first thank everybody for their well wishes. I tried to acknowledge as many Happy Birthdays as I could when they were sent, but I know I missed some. It isn't because you mean less to me than any other, I was simply overrun with them yesterday. I really hope this next lap is better than the past few have been. I've done things to set myself back from where I wanted to be, but I am working on regaining my position this go 'round. I'm pretty self-deprecating in my humor, and I fear I've begun to believe some of my own press. That is my fault, and I'm correcting that. Truth be told, I've always tended to be more motivated when I lacked support, and unfortunately right now I have many people being supportive. It's an odd conundrum. Many of the best things I've ever done were simply to piss people off. Perhaps I'm just waiting for a new muse, but part of me thinks I need a better motivating tactic. I've done a lot of reflecting the past few days as I've added another number to my age, and while I'm not "rah rah" about things, I'm cautiously optimistic. Here's hoping the lap we're all on finds us all moving forward together, that we all find our muse and break free from any binding ties (unless, you know, you're into that stuff, in which case message me), and that we find optimism defeating pessimism.

2256

Darkness has encompassed me like a single pebble being swallowed by a black hole the past few days. I feel like my trajectory in life has been turned 180 degrees from where I want to be going. Unfortunately those I confide in are only able to muster cliched advice so I have been apt to ignore it. I literally have manifested this into tunnel vision, where blackness creeps in all around me and I can only see what is directly in front of me. I hardly remember getting to work. I feel pressure in my head like I am about to explode. There have been moments where I feel like just letting everything envelope me and riding the spiral down to where it leads. Today I see a faint hint of light. I know I'm not the only one going through this thanks to some things I've read. But just as I think that salvation may be there, I begin to wonder what might happen if these other people can find it but I can't. Part of me wants to be happy that they are able to right their ships, but another part of me feels more desolation as I think of being alone in the abyss. I know life is balance. What I don't know is how to balance it. Where do I stop the giving and start the taking. I once read that if you leave your cupboard empty by giving to others and keep nothing for yourself, you will eventually have nothing to give anybody. This is my dilemma. This is the point where I have to decide and my indecision is taking control. I'm frozen in my inaction, paralyzed by the consequences that can stem from action. To rebuild or reboot, that is the current question. I know inaction is not an option, but for now I wait to see how long I can put off the inevitable. Who's balance is more important, those I love or my own? Is there really any balance either way? I know ultimately I need to balance myself, but does my balance come from making sure others are balanced? These are the burdens I carry. For now, I choose to occupy myself with less significant tasks. For now, I take leave of the day and continue on into the night, where hopefully resolution or inspiration come when my conscious rests and my ethereal thoughts take hold.

2352

Looking at my original goal of this blog, I have fallen well short of what I anticipated. I don't view this as a failure though. I actually view this as a great lesson learned. When setting goals, you need to be realistic. I'm not saying you shouldn't reach for the stars, but you need to realize you have to take steps. You need to make sure you are complete in those steps forward so that any backtracking is not a result of your own doing. Things change, accidents occur, there is always a variable that hasn't been contemplated. If we all knew all the answers life would be boring. One of the great things about life is learning. Be it a new riff on the guitar, a new marketing plan, whatever, learning is fundamental to life. I love to learn, and I am learning every day. One of the things I've learned recently is you can't force inspiration. I fell like I'm on the cusp of something, but I know I need to wait for it to be right. Just like a pie is better when it's cooked thoroughly, an idea needs to be complete before implementing. Here is hoping all your schemes are not half-baked and that inspiration flows for all of you. Go learn something today and it won't be unproductive.

2424

Today I learned to never underestimate my children, especially my younger one. The drive and determination she shows at such a young age will most definitely take her far in life. Let me begin by setting up the scenario to my epiphany. Last night when my wife got home from work with our daughter and things settled down from the initial rush that is them coming home, my daughter wanted to do flips with me. These are the kind where you hold the kids hands and they kinda walk up your leg and flip over in a way that makes you think you are going to twist their arms off. So in an attempt to mess with her, I held my hands up to the point where both of her arms were above her head thinking our point of contact was way to high for her to be able to do a flip. Lo and behold she simply jumps up and does a complete flip without even "walking" up any part of my body. Now this was pretty impressive, but as she goes to gymnastics what seems like 16460 hours a week I'm not shocked by it. By this time it's getting late so I tell her we can do this more tomorrow. She asked if she could get up when I do so we can practice and knowing damn well that a kid will not voluntarily wake up that early I say sure. This jinxed me. I got up this morning, a little later than normal, so around 6:30, rinse off, get dressed, go to the kitchen make my lunch, pour some cereal, and then I went to the fridge to get some milk. So I open the door, pause as I'm still not quite all the way awake, grab the milk, close the door and "Holy Jesus" there is my daughter staring at me like Christina Ricci as Wednesday Addams saying "hello daddy". I can't even control myself and let out a "holy shit, you're awake!" She smirks and reminds me I told her we could practice. I'm still a little taken aback by this. She has no alarm in her room, was up relatively late, and here she was full of pep ready to go. I have to give it to the kid, she loves her gymnastics. Hopefully she holds onto that love and keeps it throughout her "gymnastics career." She tells me her dream is to make it to the Olympics and as far fetched as that goal is I have to believe she can achieve it. I can't underestimate her drive. She is a year away from being old enough to compete and I have to think she'll hit the competitions running and never look back. Never underestimate somebody that has a passion.

2592

"April 29th, 1992/ There was a riot on the streets tell me where where you...." The opening lyrics to Sublime's ode to the Los Angeles Riots. The fall out of racist actions taken by the Los Angeles police and the injustice that followed. Flash ahead 22 years to 2014 and racism is still the predominant topic of the day. This time due to venom spewed forth by Clipper owner Donald Sterling. The fact that racism still exists is an indicator of how primitive our society remains. Fortunately, this time justice appears to have been served. The NBA took swift and decisive action over Mr. Sterling's comments. This goes against how most justice is doled out. Usually there are long, drawn out hearings and committees formed to inquire into actions, blah, blah, blah. Now I agree that justice should be served, and nobody should be tried, convicted, and executed without proper evidence. However, in the case of Mr. Sterling, there was no denying the evidence and the sentence was handed out rapidly. The NBA got this one right. This is a scar, that though it will remain, will not be visible forever because corrective action was applied swiftly. I think had NBA commissioner Adam Silver done anything other than the absolute right thing, we could have been on the precipice of another April 29th riot. We've already had one, another would have been unconscionable. It's nice to see we are finally evolving, at least some of us.

2856

I was fortunate enough to get a text from one of my best friend's today. We haven't seen each other in a few years. He is in the military and lives back East, and I live in Phoenix. He just so happens to be at Ft. Huachuca for the next month doing some training of some sort, so I fully plan to make the few hour drive down to see him. My friend is a few years younger than I am, but we grew up together like brothers. When I would spend my summers back east his family took me and my sister in as their own and that bond has never changed. He was sending me pictures of his to adorable girls and his son, as well as a few of him goofing around at work. I jokingly said "How could two such adorable girls come from such a ruffian like you?" and his reply made me think. "I have lot of sins to pay for man and God gave me just what I needed." This was far more deep than what I was expecting. I know what "sins" he is referring to. At least some of them. The last time we were able to spend time together we got lost in more bourbon than any two people should and the liquid truth began to flow. I know that he carries more on his shoulders than any man should. The U.S. Government has asked him to carry around the weight of atrocities he has carried out in their name and he has done so without question. He has been on the front lines, risked his life, jumped out of planes, taken and given life. He has sacrificed his own moral compass in the name of freedom for millions. He is one of the most admirable people I know. I am lucky to call him a friend and a brother. In addition to all he has done, he personally inspires me. I think about all of the above and much more and realize his mark on the world is far greater than anything I have done. I have done nothing to contribute to the history of mankind. I'm not talking about fame or infamy, but in retrospect the life I have lived has been rather selfish. I want to change this. I want to do something that will leave the world a better place than the one I was born into. Whether it be something that impacts my local community or something that changes the world, I want to leave some sort of positive before my time here is done. I have no idea what that may be, but I know that as long as I have this wonderful friend of mine to think about, I will continuously strive to do something better. So thank you Thomas, for not only all you have done for our country, but all you inspire in me. I hope I can make you as proud one day as you make us.

3000

I need to preface this post by letting everyone know that I rarely remember my dreams. I have no idea why, but it is few and far between that I wake up and remember any dreams that I had. Now, with that being said I had a very interesting dream last night. It was one of those dreams where I woke up and didn't even have to think about the message behind the dream, although I did ponder it for a while laying in bed. The gist of it was I was working at a big box retail store that is know for their employees wearing khakis and red shirts. I don't know if this other person in my dream was my boss or just a co-worker, but it was a woman who has been a surrogate mother figure to me most of my life. This woman lives in the small town in Kentucky that I come from. I have never seen her outside of this town, but we were both living and working in Arizona, along with another former co-worker of mine that happened to be from a small town in Missouri. The theme here is people from small towns now living in a big city. So as we were sitting around talking, the conversation lead to "have you ever thought about moving back (to the small towns we are from)"? Now this is where the most vivid part of my dream occurs. We start talking about how there is nothing left where we came from. I go on about how there is no work (the irony being that I'm working some low-level retail job), the family members that held us all together are all gone, etc. and I start to tear up. It was then I looked and my surrogate mother figure and say "And that is all the more reason I want to go back. I don't want that part of me to die." I woke up thinking about that. It's hard to acknowledge that part of what made you who you are doesn't exist anymore. My kids will never know why I do certain things the way I do them, or why I like certain things the way I like them, and it's because there is no giving them the experiences that I had as a kid where I am. Now rationally, I know that there is far more opportunity for them where we are. We live in one of the largest metropolitan areas in the US and it is growing and expanding and thriving. The place I'm from is stagnant at best if not dying. There is no growth opportunity, yet part of me still thinks that because of the people and place, my kids will always lack something instilled deep inside of me because they have not experienced where I came from. Even if the place I'm from offers no economic hope, the character of the person that is built there is much stronger than anything I've seen living in the city. There is no real sense of community here. People come home from work, pull into their garages, and don't leave until they go to work the next day. Part of that is the weather, it really is brutal trying to do anything outdoors from May through September, which is prime outdoor season for the rest of the world. And when the weather is decent here, the days are short so it's too dark to do anything after working hours. My next point is completely different, yet I think it completely relates to the above. After I woke up from my dream, to compound onto the "part of my being is dead" realization, I remembered that my branch of my family tree is ending as well. I have no sons to carry on my family name. My sister had sons, but they do not carry on my family name. And then, I also realize that there are no males left to carry on my maternal side's family name either. So what does all of this mean. I don't really know yet. I do think there is some symbolism there though that reflects society. My family will never be the same after my generation. I don't think society will be the same after my generation either. The massive changes in technology have ensured that. The world is smaller, yet more distant at the same time. We can communicate with just about anyone just about anywhere, yet the relationships that are forged are not the same as the ones a generation ago where you had to have physical interaction.l So I think I need to let all of this stew a little longer. The doors are open, the fans are blowing a cool breeze, and the Jehova's Witnesses have already been kicked off my property for the day...time to sit back and ponder the mortality of it all. Have a great Sunday.

3312

I've found myself being more and more withdrawn from social media lately. There is so much animus going on every time I open a page that it has kept me from wanting to even be online. I get that with the internet there will always be contention. Usually it is two opposing view points holding a pissing contest for attention. Just like on the playground in school one kid has to prove he's better than another by assailing another. I get that we all need our ego stroked and need to feel superior at something at some point in time, but I've seen more and more groups attacking individuals online and it has been a major turn off. I have no problem with groups attacking other groups, that's just the way life is, but the individual attacks I've seen really show me how juvenile some people can be. It's sad really. But it isn't the individual attacks. I think the whole social media scene has become poisoned by the rancor that some people harbor. Group thought abounds and the whole place is becoming more of a cesspool. I know I can't point a finger without one coming back at me, and I admit I spew forth my fair share of negativity, but I am working on it. To anybody that feels like I've been a cyber bully in the past, I'm sorry. That being said, I will still defend myself as unfledged as that may sound, but I vow to personally hold myself to higher standards than the group bashing I have taken part of in the past. This is also not to say I won't partaking in some locker room ribbing of others either, but the direct support of genuinely hateful attacks will be squashed. Sports teams, cars, etc. are still open season, so if you have a NASCAR sticker on your Ford, I'm probably gonna refer to you as in inbred hillbilly, but even inbred hillbillies deserve the right to be made fun of for their tastes, not who they are. As long as it stays good natured, we can still trade buying rounds at the end of the night. So, that being said, I might be dropping a few of you from my social circles, but I also might be adding a few I wouldn't have thought of before just because I'm trying to be a better person, not a bitter person.

3480

I cannot believe how lax I have been with my postings. I doesn’t feel like it has been 25 days since the last time I posted, but the calendar doesn’t lie.  One thing that that tells me is, writing is far more inspired than I initially thought.  I’m not sure why I haven’t been inspired to post anything.  There has been plenty going on in the world.  From Crimea to MH370, the news has been filled with plenty.  Perhaps I’m just a little burnt out.  Maybe it’s spring fever.  Spring definitely hits Arizona sooner than anywhere else I’ve been which is quite odd considering for the most part we don’t have a winter.  The weather here has been fantastic, and although we have had a sever lack of rain which means summer will be dreadful, I have enjoyed it.  Many a day has been spent with windows and doors open, letting the warm breeze flow throughout the house.  I’m sure the neighbors will be glad when the temps heat up and the sounds of music flowing out of my abode are muted.  Although in my defense, I at least play a variety of music depending on my mood, and not just the same repetitive cumbia music that my neighbors blare. At least the wonderful smells from their backyard grill compensate somewhat for the ear pollution that is emanating from their speakers.  All this is still only mildly annoying. Here I sit and complain about first world problems when at this moment global boundaries are being redrawn and the families of 237 people must come to grips with the fact they will never be seen again, and nobody knows why. I think tonight, as I grill something while imbibing in an Angry Orchard cider, I will try to reflect more positively on what I have and worry less about my first world problems.
I’d also like to thank anybody that still reads this blog.  I know I have strayed far from my original goal.  So in trying to be more faithful to this little space on the web, I again ask if there is anything you would like me to blog about, just let me know.  I definitely am opinionated and appreciate interactions.  Don’t be afraid to broach a topic, you never know what dialogue can lead to.

4080

Arizona has been in the news lately and for nothing good. It's sad that a few people that represent the state(poorly I might add), have caused such a negative light to be shed on our great state. The truth is, we are a collective hodge-podge of people of all walks of life, and that is what makes us great. Arizona has always been a "transient" state. The running joke here is natives are more rare than immigrants. The diversity of the backgrounds that have found themselves residing in Arizona make for wondrous melting pot. Maybe that is what outsiders don't get. We really don't have an identity, because we take on so many values from the people that have relocated here. Arizona truly is a melting pot, and it's a fabulous thing. Sadly, over the last few years there have been a few outspoken individuals, that have somehow found their way into seats of power, that have brought negativity to us. Let me assure you, that is not a very good representation of our state. I have been able to experience such a wonderfully diverse upbringing by living in Arizona that I know I would not have found east of here. The culture here speaks for itself, and it's something that is truly remarkable to experience due to its diversity. The black eye we have gotten will heal. What scares me more than a tarnished reputation is the fact that there are people in this day and age that think it is ok to discriminate. To hide behind the veil of religious freedom and decry the rights of others is not only shameful, it shows cowardice. Life is ever evolving, and to hold steadfast to norms and mores that are antiquated shows a lack of growth. There used to be a time when the world was flat, and to think otherwise was to subject yourself to persecution. The world has been proven not to be flat. Beliefs had to change to evolve with this fact. It is no different with anything else. You can't plant your roots so deep that when the earth moves you are stuck, or the world will swallow you. You have to be able to change with the landscape. This is not our forefather's world anymore. This is our time. Time to change, to evolve, to leave behind a place our children will be proud of. It's time to live in the now and not in the dark ages. It is time to accept that maybe what we have been taught has been proven to have a different meaning than what was originally inferred. I also think that if you can't, and you have tried, that is ok too. Just don't force others to live in the dark when you are scared to turn on the light.

4320

What an amazingly perfect day today turned out to be. I took a random day off needing a recharge. I figured I'd end up spending the day with the kids, but both had stuff going on so went to work with the wife. This left me home alone. With only the dogs randomly making the smallest noises, I had the entire house to myself. I was able to wake up, shave my head, shower and turn out from life. I spent the day drifting in my mind to various music, avoiding as much of the outside world as possible. The windows and doors open, inviting the warm 80 degree breeze to flow through the house. The sole connection I had to any sort of technology was turning on the tv to play music films. I was able to spend time alone with my guitars, make sounds solely for myself, letting whatever was inside drift away through an array of string combinations that, while maybe not melodically accurate, were exactly the right sounds to emanate from the strings to draw out all the poison that had been building up in me for who knows how long. I truly wish everyone could experience a day like this. Alone in solitude, but in the companionship of ethereal vibes melting away the layers that life lays upon us. At times picturing the waves flow from the music, through me, into another, experiencing the whole transgression as one epic emotion. There is truly nothing like the experience when the body and soul combine in harmony with a sonic array of emotions. I fell relaxed. I feel cleansed. I feel ready to take on life again. I feel the munchies kicking in. I feel like I cannot wait for another day like this, that this connection to the cosmos is something that needs to be reminded of more frequently.

4656

Dear Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee/NFL, It is now the day after the Super Bowl, and I am still mystified as to why Bruno Mars was the halftime entertainer. I think that we have a great opportunity before us next year to do something much better. Mr. Mars is a fine entertainer in his own right, but I don't think he was the appropriate fit to showcase New York. Hopefully next year, the entertainment can be a better reflection of the host city. There are myriad Arizona artists, or artists with Arizona roots that would do a fantastic job representing Arizona as the halftime entertainment of the 2015 Super Bowl. While many of the artists of the past few Super Bowls have been superb entertainers, I don't think they correctly represented the host cities they way they should. I know Tampa may have stolen New York's thunder by recently having Bruce Springsteen perform, but how epic would it have been to have the Boss play the Super Bowl halftime show in his home state of New Jersey? What about Bon Jovi? These would have been much better selections to represent the host city than Bruno Mars. While Arizona doesn't have a large list of megastars, they do have plenty of artists that are more than entertaining and would represent the state fabulously. Imagine the world getting to experience our local flavor by having Jimmy Eat World open by playing "The Middle", followed by Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers doing a blazing rendition of "Banditos," leading into The Gin Blossoms shredding "Hey Jealousy" only to have Alice Cooper come close the show with any one of his hit songs. Maybe fun. could play one of their hits (Nate is from Glendale after all). Chester Bennington is from Phoenix, maybe Linkin Park could do a rendition of 1 Stp Clsr. The point is, we have a lot of local talent and if we are showcasing our state, we might as well showcase it's talent instead of bringing in an outsider. Just my $.02, but it seems like something we might want to present to the powers that be.

4848

Sometimes it isn't what you know, but who you know. Other times, it isn't so much that you know who you help, but you help the right person. Yesterday karma paid us back in a huge way. One of the parents my wife works with is a manager of a mobile wireless retail store. Since my wife has been working with him to help keep his daughter in the dance class she loves, he was willing to do all he could for us from his place of business. The bottom line was we ended up shaving over $80 a month off of our mobile bill, and also added a tablet (which was free) and data service for it. This gentleman also did the same thing for my sister. I know there are many out there that knock the cell phone provider I have, and some of it is deservedly so, but I have never had a problem with their customer service and this is another example of why I stick with them. I'm also more confident staying with them as their data, while by no means at the levels of other providers, is improving every day. Bottom line is this company works for my needs, at the most efficient price. So as I sit her on this lovely Sunday, doors open, breeze coming through the house, I wish you all to find that karmic retribution that pays you back in just the way that fits your needs.

5088

There is definitely poison in the atmosphere at work.  I get it.  Year-end is stressful in this environment.  Stress leads to weakened immune systems, sickness sets in, the ability to cope lowers.  Still, the poison is growing tiresome.  I’m definitely empathetic, but I no longer wish to hear complaints about every little thing.  You have to take some ownership of the situation, especially if you are habitually ill for no good reason other than you are trying to manipulate the PTO black out due to your own unhappiness with your current situation.  I don’t want to be in my position any more than anybody else, but if you allow the poison overtake you, you become the weak link.  You become the black sheep.  You make yourself an outcast.  You become sheeple.  Rise above.  Find creative solutions.  Be proactive as opposed to reactive.  Make a difference or shut the fuck up.  Don’t spread your negativity, it isn’t fair to others. If you can’t do your part, others suffer.  Move on.

5256

Today is the first lull I’ve seen in work since December began.  Working in a tax driven industry, this is our busy time of year.  I know the hectic days aren’t over as we have mandatory overtime this weekend, but at least there is now a light at the end of the tunnel.  In retrospect, I think working in the payroll industry is one of the reasons I have such an enmity for the holiday season.  While everyone else is slowing down and partaking in the festivities the season allots, we are faced with increased pressure and hostility.  For now it’s just the means to an end, hopefully the future holds better things so that I might enjoy more of the things people outside the industry enjoy.
And of course as soon as I finished writing that the flood gates opened.  One of the difficulties I face is that I rely on others to complete my job, yet I am the name attached and the one that is given the blame if all parties don’t perform as they should.  The incompetence I am surrounded by is staggering some times, especially when the problem is repeated.  Hopefully we can save face, as the resulting loss of business would by my hit, not anybody else’s. With that said, I’m off to put out fires (being a fireman is a secondary responsibility around here, yet seems to be a full time job).  Hopefully you are all enjoying the new year more so than I am thus far.

5304

When driving, how should you treat a flashing red light? Just like a stop sign is the correct answer. This is a basic rule, one that any driver should know in order to obtain a license. Want proof people are too stupid to drive? Find one of those asinine crosswalks with the push button that initiates a red light. You know, the kind they put about a quarter mile from any intersection that already has a traffic control light because society is too lazy to walk that far out of their way to get anywhere. Wait for one of those bad boys to go off and watch as everybody in a car sits and waits for the light to stop flashing. Never mind the fact there is a sign that says ok to proceed once clear. I'm telling you, it's the little things like this that make you realize that overpopulation is a more serious issue than we think it to be. There are a bunch of people out there that mother nature needs to weed out, yet we merrily go along coming up with new scientific ways to save lives and keep more people around. The more we save, the more we bring about our demise. /Rant.

5376

Life is hard on a body. Some days you wake up feeling invincible, but other days you wake up sore and run down. The older I get the more frequent these days become. It makes you begin to realize your mortality. You begin to realize you can't just plow through life like you thought you could when you were a teenager. On the other hand, I'm very stubborn and refuse to give into the idea that I can't just plow through life. I know I have several medical issues that I choose to ignore, that while they don't hinder me useless, if addressed could definitely improve my quality of life, yet I plow on. Part of that is to be blamed on finances. If it isn't absolutely necessary, I don't want (nor do I really have) the money to address it. I would much rather spend any "free" money I have on my family. It's sad that in today's world, where information is available on demand, where you can communicate in a flash to the other side of the world and beyond, finances still limit the ability to take care of basic things. But as a corollary to that, it's a shame I don't have a stronger work ethic to put myself in a position where I don't have to worry about finances. Then again, do I want to devote myself to work or to family? As you can see today I'm just a waffling lack of focus. So to that, I bid you adieu. Have a safe weekend all, and if you are in the Phoenix area, get outside. It's January 4th and going to be 72 today. Gotta love that.