1248

First a little site update. If you are reading this through Blogger and not Google+, over to the right there I added an about me page. It's just a little quip about what makes me me. I'm sure that there is a butt ton of information missing, but I'm only an amateur writer so forgive me. This past weekend I (finally) deactivated my Facebook account. I got tired of Pinterest reposts, news stories that were days old, and everybody blaming/attributing everything to my lawn guy, Jesus. But seriously, I found myself wasting so much time looking into other peoples lives that I was neglecting my own to an extent. If nothing else, by not going all voyeuristic on everyone else's life, I have a lot more battery left on my phone when I get home than I used to. I really liked Facebook at first. I liked MySpace too. I love social networking. I think it's great to stay connected but at the same time I think we spend far too much time looking at other people's lives and ignoring our own. Blame reality tv, everybody wants to be a star. I suppose that is what things like Facebook and MySpace were for, you post stuff so people look at you, and it was a great way to reconnect with lost friends, or stay close with family across the globe, but it turned into a popularity contest and got stale. And while I can't totally take myself away from social networking, and I'll admit I was twitchy for a while after deactivating my account, I'm still around. Life is still going on. I can still text, email, call even...if I need to be in contact with somebody. I've also found I've been posting to Twitter a bit more. Maybe I just needed a vice to fill in the lost Facebook time. Whatever the reason, I do it. So with all that being said, if anybody feels like they need to stay connected with me, circle me on Google+, follow me on Twitter @mdittemore or Instagram @medittemore. Maybe those outlets are just easier to broadcast on without seeing mundane bullshit. I don't know. Quite honestly I've lost my train of though since I was just sent a text to make dinner. So I will leave you with this: I'm making chicken parm tonight, deuces.

1512

"Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later [makes squish gesture]get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"[makes squish gesture]just like grape. Understand?" Mr Miyagi, Karate Kid This scene from Karate Kid has been playing in my mind over and over the past few days. I'm pretty sure it has to do with our actions in Iraq over the past decade plus. Now, I'm not claiming to have the answers, but I think we "karate guess so'd" over there and we are about to get squished. Our actions, however you want to view them, were not complete or whole. We intervened in a situation without doing so completely. We patchworked together a country with loose stitching, that was clearly not taking the whole population's greater good into consideration, and expected it to hold. We built Frankenstein's monster, gave it life, and now have to play the God role to determine if that creation is worthy to remain. We wasted thousands of lives, and millions of dreams, to essentially return to a point far more dire than the one we began with. Now we are once again faced with the proverbial "shit or get off the pot" scenario. From the limited information that I have been afforded on the situation, inaction will lead to far greater action by those that view us as their enemy, but swift and decisive action will enrage them even more, not to mention start a shit storm among our more liberal members of society. These are the days where I am glad our collective action as a country is not my decision to make. The evangelical democracy we shove down the throat of the rest of the world is coming back to haunt us. We take it upon ourselves to make decisions for other instead of simply lending a hand when asked. We have lead with our ego and not our intellect and now have to deal with the repercussions of doing so. Hopefully smarter men than I can make better decisions so that we no longer have to take steps backwards.

1800

As much as I don't want to, I think it's time I look at going back on zoloft, at least for a little while. I really don't like being on zoloft. A complete lack of feeling is an odd feeling. That being said, I think at this point I might need to do so though to prevent a downward spiral. There have been a lot of things that have happened to me in the past month or so, and surprisingly I don't attribute any of that to my current mind state. I know that there is a chemical imbalance in my head that prevents me from being the best person I can be. I've gone through this before, and given family history, I'm sure I'll go through it again. The hardest part for me was admitting I needed help. Once you get past that point, things really are easier. I get to be a nasty son of a bitch when I'm on a down cycle, and that isn't fair to anybody. Not me, or the people around me. If taking a pill once a day can prevent me from being a bigger ass than my normal, charming self, then the least I can do is take one. I've seen what my sickness can do to others, and it isn't fair to them, just as it isn't fair that I have it to begin with. I haven't committed to the process yet, as it really is a horrible feeling. I'm still trying to do some homeopathic stuff, and some meditation to see if that will help, but I'm just about convinced that pharmaceuticals are the route I need to take, not because of a buzz or anything, but because they work. I know the side effects are sometimes just as bad as they symptoms, but that is something I know I have to deal with. Plus, the first day is really cool, like being on some really killer weed for a full 24. The second day, well that sucks. That's like tweeking and I hate that feeling. The insomnia sucks too, but by the end of the first week, week and half, everything seems to be ok. Sometimes just typing out the process helps. So while I contemplate what's best for me, let me say thanks for being a soundboard, whether you respond or not, just getting things out really helps, and that was one of the whole reasons for this blog.