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I need to preface this post by letting everyone know that I rarely remember my dreams. I have no idea why, but it is few and far between that I wake up and remember any dreams that I had. Now, with that being said I had a very interesting dream last night. It was one of those dreams where I woke up and didn't even have to think about the message behind the dream, although I did ponder it for a while laying in bed. The gist of it was I was working at a big box retail store that is know for their employees wearing khakis and red shirts. I don't know if this other person in my dream was my boss or just a co-worker, but it was a woman who has been a surrogate mother figure to me most of my life. This woman lives in the small town in Kentucky that I come from. I have never seen her outside of this town, but we were both living and working in Arizona, along with another former co-worker of mine that happened to be from a small town in Missouri. The theme here is people from small towns now living in a big city. So as we were sitting around talking, the conversation lead to "have you ever thought about moving back (to the small towns we are from)"? Now this is where the most vivid part of my dream occurs. We start talking about how there is nothing left where we came from. I go on about how there is no work (the irony being that I'm working some low-level retail job), the family members that held us all together are all gone, etc. and I start to tear up. It was then I looked and my surrogate mother figure and say "And that is all the more reason I want to go back. I don't want that part of me to die." I woke up thinking about that. It's hard to acknowledge that part of what made you who you are doesn't exist anymore. My kids will never know why I do certain things the way I do them, or why I like certain things the way I like them, and it's because there is no giving them the experiences that I had as a kid where I am. Now rationally, I know that there is far more opportunity for them where we are. We live in one of the largest metropolitan areas in the US and it is growing and expanding and thriving. The place I'm from is stagnant at best if not dying. There is no growth opportunity, yet part of me still thinks that because of the people and place, my kids will always lack something instilled deep inside of me because they have not experienced where I came from. Even if the place I'm from offers no economic hope, the character of the person that is built there is much stronger than anything I've seen living in the city. There is no real sense of community here. People come home from work, pull into their garages, and don't leave until they go to work the next day. Part of that is the weather, it really is brutal trying to do anything outdoors from May through September, which is prime outdoor season for the rest of the world. And when the weather is decent here, the days are short so it's too dark to do anything after working hours. My next point is completely different, yet I think it completely relates to the above. After I woke up from my dream, to compound onto the "part of my being is dead" realization, I remembered that my branch of my family tree is ending as well. I have no sons to carry on my family name. My sister had sons, but they do not carry on my family name. And then, I also realize that there are no males left to carry on my maternal side's family name either. So what does all of this mean. I don't really know yet. I do think there is some symbolism there though that reflects society. My family will never be the same after my generation. I don't think society will be the same after my generation either. The massive changes in technology have ensured that. The world is smaller, yet more distant at the same time. We can communicate with just about anyone just about anywhere, yet the relationships that are forged are not the same as the ones a generation ago where you had to have physical interaction.l So I think I need to let all of this stew a little longer. The doors are open, the fans are blowing a cool breeze, and the Jehova's Witnesses have already been kicked off my property for the day...time to sit back and ponder the mortality of it all. Have a great Sunday.