8760

I think I’ve lost my passion for life. I don’t know that I ever really had one, but I know now I completely lack any resemblance of having any. I’m not happy with my position in life financially, socially, emotionally. I know these are all things only I can change, and I accept that. I’m not looking for somebody to change my being and morph into something I didn’t create, I’m looking for a spark so that I can ignite the fire that is my being. The only problem is, I don’t know what that is. I’ve been reflecting for a while now on the old adage of “what would you do if you didn’t have to do anything, and that will tell you what you should do” and I can’t come up with anything. There are lots of little things I enjoy to an extent, but nothing I’m passionate about. Music has always been the closest thing to a passion I’ve had, but I really don’t see me giving up my day job and joining a band at age 36. Hell, I don’t even see me joining a band to just play. Just like everything else in life, my lust for music is completely unfocused. I started out playing drums when I was a kid, moved on to guitar which took me forever to learn on, and in the past few years I’ve moved onto bass. I have a basic understanding of each, can muddle through a few songs on each, but mastery of any of the previous is far off. I like computers and networking and all the wonderful technologies that we have that my parents would never have dreamed of as children, but I can’t bring myself to learn enough of their inner workings to establish a career doing anything with that. I could go on and list hundreds of things that intrigue me, but the point is I don’t have a driven passion for any of them. Maybe that’s the way it is supposed to be for the masses. I don’t know. I look at my children and they both have desires to excel in certain areas they enjoy, but alas I don’t. Maybe I’ve just never taken the time to find myself. Maybe I’ve tried too hard and attempted too many things without ever getting below the surface. I just don’t know. So rather than ramble on, I think what I’m going to do is attempt to focus. Maybe if I focus on expressing myself, I will be able to look back and find a pattern, something that shows me what it is I am supposed to do. This will be my goal, and to ensure it, I will document it. My wife has always told me I should write, so I will take her advice. I will take a year to ramble, write, blog…whatever you want to call it, then look back and analyze it to see if there is something underlying that I am just too blind to see. So here I begin a new journey of discovery, feel free to follow along, add words of encouragement, ask questions, tell me how you find yourself. Day one is in the books, 364 more to come and hopefully the end is enlightening for maybe not only myself but you as a reader as well.

As a side note, most of the “year in a life” 365 days, etc. titles were taken so I am going to use hours here, 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 8760 hours in a year, hence the blog title. And since everyone likes to count down, we will start at 8760 and count down to 0. Hang on, this year could be boring.